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Roger Crobb, 39, of Grand Rapids, Michigan, was pulled out of his house last Thursday, and nearly pummeled to death by 23 women who successfully combined their resources and their intellects in order to find out where the cheap, sleazy, non-committal bastard actually lives. Unwilling to accept the fact that he was just drunk at the time, and didn't really know what he was doing, the gorgeous and single women who felt emotionally-used and totally abandoned by the cheap prick during his unholy ' 7-toyear stretch ' of idealistically wandering the internet in search of a soul-mate, finally pounded the ever-living shit out of him, as neighbors and people walking down the street celebrated with joy. When the horrifying beatings were finally over, Roger limped back into his house, confessed to himself that he would be a changed man from now on, and then drank some more beer before discovering that Silver Singles is actually a 4.
A few days ago, I warned my wife that the experiment I was about to engage in was entirely non-sexual, lest she glance over my shoulder at my iPhone. Then I installed the gay hookup app Grindr. I set my profile photo as a cat, and carefully turned off the "show distance" feature in the app's privacy settings, an option meant to hide my location. A minute later I called Nguyen Phong Hoang, a computer security researcher in Kyoto, Japan, and told him the general neighborhood where I live in Brooklyn.